Forks and Spoons: Making room for love in a hectic life

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night feeling something was missing? Or maybe found yourself walking around wondering why you feel like you forgot something? What about thinking you are all alone, even if you’re in a room full of people, because you know that in some other place there is someone who should be with you to make it all better? Oh, the feeling of love.

What is it about this special emotion that can either build you up or destroy you as fast as a bug zapper can get rid of a mosquito? Lately I’ve been analyzing my life and the 21 years I have been single. My analysis was sparked by a wedding announcement from my cousin who is only three years older than me, two six-month anniversary celebrations by my best friends and a very bad attempt at a pick-up because a guy confused me with some other girl he thought he was meeting for dinner. What was I to do?

First off, I needed to accept the number of guys I can’t be with.

George Clooney is an untamed bachelor. I am not moving to Colombia or Mexico to rekindle past passions, and the two guys I would like to be with here are in relationships. Acceptance achieved, I had to find a new prospect.

Since my “little black book” is more like the back of a crumpled receipt, I decided to check out people around me who I only think of as friends. This was hard to do because when it comes to dating, I generally end up going out with guys who have no connection to my work, my school or my neighborhood.

I figured this is because I was like that guy who wants to hit on everyone but doesn’t want any commitment.

Since I have no time for a real relationship, it’s convenient to meet someone, get a vibe, and then mentally review my schedule to see if he could be Mr. Tuesday.

But no more.

I have had this feeling of longing for someone I could actually get to know and grow to love for way too long now, and I deserve to at least get my heart broken once. I got in touch with a guy I had a crush on.

He is a leader, a good son, a Catholic, and a rocker; a good first date that would ensure there was no lack of conversation. When I met up with him, though, I was so nervous. I knew the guy was nice and he knew who I was, but for some reason I had to fix my hair and check myself in the mirror three times before entering the restaurant to greet him.

Dinner was good and dessert was even better, but I was fidgeting like crazy and so was he.

Why was I doing this? Was I really feeling the pressure of trying to make someone else happy that badly? The conversation was never dull but I was starting to feel like I was too nice, too flirty, too everything.

As we left the restaurant and he walked me to my car, I could not be happier the date was almost over. And then he kissed me.

Suddenly the pressure, the awkwardness and the insecurity all disappeared and I was happy. This wasn’t a quick rendezvous or fling; this was a chance for something real. I said goodbye and explained that I was leaving for London and would not be able to try anything, if there was an opportunity, until I got back. He understood and set off home.

But even if I didn’t get a boyfriend that night, I felt assured that my sleepless nights, my meaningless walks and my feelings of loneliness in crowded rooms were over; I had a chance to meet and keep the guy who will put me on edge, make me try to impress him every day, maybe break my heart and make me feel like I belong.

Who knows if he’ll be a Brit or a fellow Husky, but for now flings are out, and I’m giving falling in love a chance.

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