Column: The first cuts are the deepest

What is it about firsts? We have first kisses, first time sexual experiences, first loves, first heartbreak and each and every one reserves their own nook in our hearts, minds and emotions. Whether these ‘firsts’ were our best memories or our worst regrets, they are nonetheless forever with us.

Our firsts hold some sort of prestige ranking. Even the processes of getting over or moving on from our firsts are tremendous feats.

I have a theory: the reason it is so hard to get over someone when they are one of our firsts is because we are inexperienced. Our bodies and our emotions do not know how to react or adapt to such a situation.

I do not think we can ever truly get over someone. The whole idea of time healing a broken heart is, to say the least, complete bull. We never truly let go. We take our feelings, compact them as much as possible and then store them away where we can blockade them with either a new love, work, friends, new situations, etc.

Time is just how long it takes for us to complete this process. Time does not heal anything. Feelings do not change, people do not change. In a sense, we train ourselves to develop new routines, think differently and act differently.

However, just when we think we successfully complete this process, a phone call, a conversation, anything, may cause us to tumble right back into the hole that we can never truly climb out of.

A first for anything is always the hardest to deal with. Think of it as a cut-the first time we receive an injury, we are unsure of how to treat it. We do our best, but inevitably a scar will form.

The second time around, third and thereafter, we know the proper procedures and the healing process becomes easier, unless, of course, we are met with new obstacles. In that case, we are back at square one.

The severity of the cut and scar depends on the emotional strain of the situation. However, if your first sexual experience, first love and first heartbreak all involve the same person, your scar can feel fatal.

What is it about those people that grab hold of us so deep inside? In any relationship, we experience numerous hardships. There is no such thing as perfection. The only difference is that we tolerate it more from certain people. And it is the firsts that generally receive the most tolerance. It is a more natural tendency to make excuses for our firsts than for anyone else, and the person we try hardest to convince with these excuses is ourselves. We try endlessly to convince ourselves there is reason behind all the bad cards we are dealt and if we can’t find it, we bluff.

Our best bet is to come to terms with our firsts. They will be forever with us and I fear we have no say in that. We just need to accept the consequences of their connection to us.

Life will leave you with many scars, most of which only you can see. The thing about scars is that you must accept that they are part of you as a person. Never regret those scars, for they are what make you who you are today. Our major concern must not be getting over our scars, but instead it should be not letting them get in the way of the numerous new hands we are dealt.

– Contributed by a News Correspondent

Leave a Reply