The average person has 150,000 platelets per micro-liter of blood. Platelets help blood clot. When someone has a low platelet count, their blood flows faster.

While some may not care about an average person’s blood platelet count, you would care if it was a problem for a girl you seriously liked (and if it helped make you feel like a sex god).

I was with a girl I was interested in and we had just gotten lunch together. She had told me about her lack of platelets over lunch and I thought nothing of it, most likely because I had no idea what platelets were.

After lunch we went back to my room and the second we walked in, we jumped each other. Amidst the passionate, naked, make-out session, I began to slide my hand down her waist and massage her clitoris.

She started screaming and breathing heavily and scratching my back. It was amazing. After she let out her loudest moan yet, her eyes caught mine and then she collapsed. The heavy breathing stopped and she fell silent. She just slumped over, motionless. I, not knowing what in the world had just happened, yelled out loud, “I killed her!”

I started shaking her and yelling at her to get up but she just lay there like a wet noodle. I got very nervous. So nervous that if I was wearing clothes, I would have pissed my pants.

After about 30 seconds of absolute panic, she opened her eyes. “Oh God, I just fainted,” she whispered. Now I was placed with a really interesting conundrum: is fainting a good thing and should I continue, or is fainting bad and I should move to cuddle time?

It turns out fainting is one of the best things that could ever happen. As a result of all her enjoyment and her low platelet count, blood rushed to her head so fast that she fainted. Eager to get back to the fun, we proceeded to hook up and it was fantastic. Three cheers for a lack of blood platelets! Hip-hip hooray!

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