Column: The piece “Stripped” forgot

Column: The piece “Stripped” forgot

Think of this as the missing article from “Stripped.” Or rather, what should have been.

This is the article that the Resident Student Association (RSA) somehow forgot when choosing their salacious content for a nonsensical Sex Week magazine that somehow ended up angling more toward a wannabe Hustler or Cosmo than actually giving any legitimate sexual advice (it also provided no actual Sex Week calendar of events).

“To be honest the mission of the magazine was to create some stir around the week … to put something out that was a little bit racy and a bit provocative, fun to read and something that came right from the students,” said Smith Anderson, vice president of programming, former RSA president and one of the most prominent male models in the magazine, in an e-mail interview. He added, “Since this was our first time taking on such an endeavor there are definitely some holes, including not adding a section about pleasing the ladies.”

Bingo. This, most importantly, is the alternative. The article that maybe could serve women some pleasure, a demographic RSA somehow forgot (not to mention their lack of racial diversity and some lesbian representation in print and gay male representation in photos). And don’t worry: In this column, you won’t see any notable near-nudes, nor a naked heap of The News editorial board.

But since I’m no “sexpert” (and not arrogant enough to think I can give the reading public un-researched, un-cited techniques passed off as legitimate expertise), I instead called upon some help from Dr. Carol Queen.

A “renowned sexologist,” according to her film “G Marks the Spot: A Good Vibrations Guide to the G-Spot,” Queen is undoubtedly an expert in the pleasures of the body. I asked her to give an unfiltered guide to female gratification, which she did ever so gracefully. Oh, and since The Northeastern News is self-funded through ads, unlike “Stripped” and its $2,500 price tag, the student body isn’t paying for this. Here’s Queen’s advice:

Oral pleasure goes both ways. While fellatio, aka blow jobs, often get a lot of press, women can be optimally pleasured by oral sex too. Performing cunnilingus (as Dr. Science likes to call it) on a woman can be done wrong, but it’s not hard to learn to do it right, especially if the woman in question will give you some feedback about what she likes and prefers. Not every person you go down on will like exactly the same things (this is true of pretty much every sexual act, position, and preference), so getting tuned in to her individual response is important. Let’s start with what people often get wrong. First there’s attitude: that a woman’s pleasure isn’t as important or is too hard to achieve; that women’s genitals are somehow objectionable, nasty or smelly (people who think like this have rarely spent time with their nose in between a jock’s testicles, since anyone’s parts can get past their “fresh date” and be nicer after a shower); that plowing in and licking as hard and fast as possible is the way to go; or that going down should mimic intercourse and consist mainly of tongue-thrusting.

In fact, getting a woman aroused and in the mood with touches, kissing, stroking and anything else she finds sexy is important foreplay to any kind of genital touch – which is ironic, since this culture tends to call oral sex and handjobs foreplay for “the real thing”: intercourse. But any genital touch (or lick) engaged in to produce arousal or orgasm really is sex, and it’s all many people need to feel they’re having an intimate, erotically fulfilling connection with another person. Doing anything to genitals that aren’t interested and aroused is definitely going to be a bigger challenge than getting those genitals (and the person attached to them) turned on. So, do all the things that make her want more direct, more genital contact. Even then, sneak up. Spiral in gradually and tease her. Lick lightly first. Figure out where her clitoris is – up above her vaginal opening, at the place where her labia (aka lips) come together. Try licking directly and indirectly and have her tell you which feels best, and how hard she likes it. You can make your tongue soft or firm depending on how she responds.

Finally, get down to it, and when you have a groove she appreciates, stay with it. Lots of women can’t come if the rhythm changes too much. When you feel her begin to get more aroused (she might tell you when this happens, but other ways to tell are that she presses herself into your mouth, trembles, clutches you with her hands or makes sounds), do what you’re doing and keep going! Before that point, try to make sure you’re in a position that’s comfortable for you, so you don’t get a crick in your neck or sore knees from kneeling on a hard floor. Then, ride that wave!

– Glenn Yoder can be reached at [email protected]

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