Forks and Spoons: ‘Ideal’ partners not ideal for relationships

Whether you’re searching for the Matthew McConaughey or Scarlete Johansson type, or the Adam Brody or Natalie Portman type, everyone has an ideal man or woman.

Here’s my ideal man:

As far as looks go, he has to be a little more than 6 feet tall with an athletic build (as in he definitely has to go to Marino at least three times a week, even if he is on co-op). His eyes should lure me in – a nice shade of blue or green is amazing but a sparkling brown would do. Preferably, he would have either long flowing locks – like a hockey mullet – or a common buzz cut. Brown hair is preferred but the occasional blond or redhead would do. Last but certainly not least, his personal hygiene must be up to grade – I want to be sure that he showers every day.

When it comes to my ideal man’s personality, he has to be driven and ambitious. He should be charismatic, witty and able to hold his own. I love when a man is overconfident, almost cocky. He has to have a favorite baseball or football team, but be able to enjoy the arts as well. Two other major must-haves: a serious sense of humor and a taste in music similar to my own. And of course he has to have the “wow” factor: that little extra something that keeps him on your mind.

Although I’m not hunting down a boyfriend at the moment, I have met a couple guys that meet a good portion of my ideal man criteria. In general, I try to avoid guys who don’t meet about 80 percent of my criteria. However, it always seems my relationships with these “ideal” men don’t tend to last too long. Realizing this made me wonder: why is this my type, if none of them have worked out so far?

So, I decided to give a guy who isn’t my “type” a chance. He is only two inches taller than me and has a bit of a scrawny build. He is a complete pretty boy, in fact, prettier than me – he dresses better than I do. He spends more time in front of the mirror than I ever could; a real metrosexual. He wouldn’t mind going to a baseball game, but only if I suggested it. He is a typical struggling artist type but will probably end up somewhere fantastic in life.

After a month and half of him pursuing a relationship with me, I finally said yes to a date. While I was excited for the date, I was nervous about the situation. What were we going to talk about if we had hardly anything in common?

But in the end, I had nothing to worry about. It was a great first date. He brought me flowers – I haven’t received flowers since I blackmailed my boyfriend in high school on Valentine’s Day. While dinner had a few awkward silences, it went pretty smoothly. After dinner we went to see the musical, “The Pirate Queen.” It was great and gave us something to talk about afterwards. It was easy to feed off of each other’s opinions. He was the perfect date and is a great guy. When he calls, I’m sure we’ll go out again.

However, there are still some things I can’t get over that are hard for me to look past about our date. His outfit cost way more than mine, my four-inch heels put me a noticeable two inches taller than him and he knew how to use his utensils perfectly. And I think I ate more than him – if you’re a girl, you know how great that feels. While these details may seem small to some, they definitely stood out to me.

From now on though, I am going to overlook the imperfections and try not to compare him to my ideal man, who might not even be out there. But in the end, if things don’t work out, I won’t be crushed.

I’ve given my non-type a shot, and will continue to give other non-types a shot too. Who knows? Maybe by branching out to my non-types, a non-type will become my type.

Don’t whine about how hard it is to find a nice guy or girl, because you might just be looking in the wrong places. Let your expectations go and see who you can find. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy the ticket.

Stop thinking about what you want and go out there and learn what you want. There’s a reason looking for the ideal man or woman doesn’t work: you can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.

– Contributed by a News Correspondent

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